Getting Your Partner On Board with Your Wellness Journey
While I can sure try to change my husband's behaviors to match mine, it usually just leads to a lot of silly banter:
Him: “ We can’t eat salad for lunch and tofu for dinner.”
Me: “Because…?”
Him: “To name a few, tofu causes:
Dissatisfaction
Unhappiness
Irritability
At least for me… And possibly man boobs.“
For me, improving health and wellness starts with anchoring on simple "physical" or "tangible" habits I can incorporate into a routine that ultimately allows me space for the more emotional and spiritual aspects of the journey. That usually means revisiting basic habits such as drinking enough water, taking my supplements, meditating, or exercising. My husband is definitely the more flexible one between us when it comes to creating time throughout the day to engage in such habits. However, me? Well, quite the opposite. As someone with a busy mind and busy schedule, I crave freedom yet need routine. Without a set of habits scheduled at the same time every day that I am able to remember and execute easily (and I mean, it has to be REALLY easy), I feel ungrounded. I lose track of time, spin out, get scatter-brained, and eventually end up procrastinating on my most important priorities. Living with my husband has made me realize how important creating personal commitments is but also how important it is to express them to my him so he can respect and support me when I need it. Here are a few tips on communication I’ve learned along the way, as it relates to building a healthier lifestyle together.
Overtly state your personal commitments to your partner.
Not only does vocalizing your personal commitments help nudge them to becoming a reality, stating them out loud to your partner creates external accountability in a relationship where you may be more easily swayed than if you didn't have to consider someone else's feelings or choices. While my husband and I eat relatively similarly, there have been times when I choose to pause on eating processed sugar for a period of time. Stating my commitments to him has not only helped me keep the promise to myself but also made my husband more considerate in bringing sweet treats home (usually because he knows I love them!)
Tell your partner how they can support you and request their help.
Telling your partner how they can help you keeps you from assuming they already know...because they usually don't. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted a “healthy” meal, while my husband has craved pizza. Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE pizza! But too much of it usually leaves me feeling “unhealthy.” Asking for his support has helped him consider my needs and given us a chance to suggest restaurants that have a diverse menu offering that matches both of our needs that day.
Align on what each of you needs to feel sane and steady.
You both are hustling, and you both need different things. Take the time to figure it out. My husband and I are both very ambitious creatures, following our passions and building businesses. We have also moved at least 6 times along selling our homes and relocating across states twice. All of this transition, not to mention the very transition of living with a new domestic partner, took a toll on my own health and wellness journey. While our personal wellbeing is always a work in progress, there are some specific needs we have learned about each other in order to keep stress levels low and continue showing up in the relationship. For example, Tuesdays are my husband's busiest work-from-home days with back-to-back meetings and very little room for breaks. Therefore, Tuesdays have also become the day we usually eat out so that he has an opportunity to get out of the house, breathe some fresh air, and be in a social environment. Knowing this in advance has helped us plan our at-home meals around Tuesdays and also reminded me to ask him about his most important day of the week.
It’s simple, but not easy.
This year, my husband and I will reach our three-year wedding anniversary AND three years living together through an entire pandemic. While I'm happy to report that we are still very much enjoying each other's company, living together is not always easy. I'm so grateful he and I enjoy a relatively similar lifestyle, though there are still moments when our choices or habits don't align. It's normal. Learning how to communicate our needs when working on new habits has kept us enjoying a healthier discussion and lifestyle!